HR and religious experience

To paraphrase John Lennon (Plastic Ono Band, c. 1971):

I don't believe in magic,
I don't believe in Tarot,
I don't believe in I Ching,
I don't believe in mantra,
I don't believe in tantra,
I don't believe in Jesus,
I don't believe in Buddha,
I don't believe in Gita,
I don't believe in Elvis,
I don't believe in Zimmerman,
I don't believe in Beatles,
I just believe in PMP,
the Performance Management Process,
and that's reality.
The dream is over, what can I say?
I was the dreamweaver, but now I'm reborn.
I was the walrus, but now I'm Sven.
And so, dear friends, you'll just have to carry on.
The dream is over.

The wisdom of the performance-driven culture has been revealed to me, and I now understand that everything I really need to know can be found in my year-end review of goals, competencies, and developmental activities. Hallelujah!

Everything I need to know, that is, about myself and my personal and professional abilities, opportunities for personal and professional growth, and potential as a human resource. Everything I need to know about the corporate work group of which I am an integral part, in which we all have a mission and a purpose within the larger mission and purpose of the company in this momentous time and place. Can I get a witness.

There are universal themes contained within that text, brothers and sisters of the word and icon, if we only look beneath the jargon-laden surface to the larger and more subtle guidance well-hidden in the language of business. What I'm suggesting is no less than treating PMP as no less than religious text, dear friends.

For reasons of confidentiality and self-preservation, I cannot disclose here what those words, themes, and guiding thoughts are, but I'm here to testify that they are there if you look hard enough.