Thursday, October 06, 2005

Invert Now!

This is an example of a hypothetical imperative, meaning you ought to do it only if you want to enjoy the results of the activity in question, as opposed to a categorical imperative, which everyone ought to do under any circumstances. Hey, what's that sound? Oh, that's just Immanuel Kant turning over in his grave. In this case, the activity in question is inverting.

It makes the blood flow out of your stagnant, sluggish legs where it's been pooling all day, and into your tired, undernourished brain that by 3:00 in the afternoon has been drained of its creative juices. It reverses the pull of gravity on your flaccid, aging flesh and draws the skin a little firmer and tighter around all your muscles, bones, and joints. It gently churns your internal organs like a blender set on 'stir' and forces oxygen into cells that haven't had a good hit of fresh air all day, causing them to jump up and down with youthful excitement.

Invert, I say, invert! You know, turn yourself upside down, flip your numerator and your denominator, make your south pole north and your north pole south. But how? What are the means by which to perpetrate this alchemy?

My personal favorite is the handstand, which gives the added benefit of much-needed upper-body strength. Serious yogis seem to like the headstand, and the semi-serious do the ever-popular shoulderstand. You probably want to work up to those with qualified instruction to safeguard your neck.

Yogis and non-yogis alike enjoy skinning a cat, where you hold onto an overhead bar and hoist your legs up, passing your legs back between your arms and over your head, then back through the way you came, kind of inside-out, hence the name. To gymnasts, I'm told, this is like breathing, no big deal. For the rest of us, it's a good test of the strength-to-weight ratio, flexibility, and a touch of vertigo, since being upside-down and tipping backward can be scary.

If you're ape-like enough or young enough to climb trees or monkeybars, inverting is right there in front of you. Hang from your knees and see the world in a different way. Feel gravity pull on your legs and make you longer. Be careful not to bump your head!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, invert, invert, invert. And who were these "yogis?", humm and why didn't they have honest jobs like good red-blooded amerikans? Hummm?

It sounds like a commie plot to me! While we're all standing on our anterior sphincter or something, those froggy native boys (and girls) are outsoucing our jobs making so so I can't shop at Wal-mart!

Well, I have a question for you mr. "oh aren't we cool cuz we can spell Kant". Did you ever see John Wayne stand on his head (or hands for that matter), no! He was busy building AND upholding the values soooo dear to this beloved country. No he got his blood boiling by normal all-american ways like bar room fights and beating up Maureen Ohara! No sissy gymnastic stuff for him, sven, so maybe consider roller derby or NASCAR instead of usurping the world! Its just a thought.