Bobbyroger

He's a winner. He's a fighter. He can do no wrong. Bobbyroger Clemensknight is two badass peas in one badass pod. He is two testosterone-injected bulls whose shit don't stink, so he deserves more respect than other people.

See him strut and pose for the admiring cameras, the adoring fans, and the fawning senators. The sight of the schoolyard bully roughing up lesser mortals only excites the awed spectators, who feel a little tougher themselves when their idol flaunts his power and flouts the rules. Rules are for other people, not larger-than-life future Hall of Famers like Bobbyroger.

See him defiantly throw the broken bat at the base runner. Hear him toss folding chairs onto the court and cuss out teenagers in the locker room. That's a real leader, a role model, a modern American hero, teaching by example the skills of winning by intimidation.

See him challenge the authority of the Mitchell report and the testimony of his so-called friends and training partners who "misremembered" what happened right under the held noses of teammates, trainers, and management. Don't touch me, I'm a seven-time Cy Young Award wiener.

See him go on hunting trips with the vice president, accept the personal "support" of the jock-sniffer-in-chief, and schmooze with the senators of the party in power who want his autograph instead of his sworn testimony. When you have friends in high places and all those record-setting wins to your credit, you shouldn't have to give Senator Waxman and the Committee on Oversight the time of day. It should be accepted as true because you said so, because you're Bobbyroger Clemensknight.