Parker

I have a secret crush. Promise not to tell anyone? She is the cutest, funniest, strongest, smartest, most adorable, honest, fearless, clever...

Actress.



I realize it's not the same to have a crush on a movie star as it is to have a crush on your ninth-grade Spanish teacher (remember Mrs. Forrest in Garden City? Woo-hoo!) or the co-worker half your age (doesn't everybody over a certain age?) or the debutante-dancer-Platonist of the first midlife, um, event (which is another story), but still, crushes are harmless infatuations, right? It might as well be Parker Posey as Mrs. Forrest. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely a figment of my overactive imagination.

The fact is, I am now able to declare openly that for several weeks, in the privacy of Om Shanty, in the company of the mostly-tolerant Gven Golly ("He's going through a phase"), and under the bemused gaze of Zelda Golly ("Whatever"), I've been staging, attending, and enjoying a Parker Posey Film Festival. A brief, critically annotated filmography of what I've seen of her oeuvre so far:

Adam & Steve - Slightly gross (to get your attention) and well-intentioned coming-out story about oddly matched gay couple, with Parker as supportive friend.
Best in Show - Hilarious send-up of dog owners with Parker as yuppie control freak.
Blade Trinity - Live-action comic book action hero Wesley Snipes and mod squad fight archcriminals, including Parker as twisted villainess.
Broken English - Probably her best work to date, as a grown-up urban sophisticate learning to deal with jerks, idiots, nice people, and the difficulty of all relationships.
Clockwatchers - Cute, ironic tragicomedy of alienated office workers' loyalty and spite, with Parker as spite.
Daytrippers - Remarkable ensemble cast as urban family with issues, with kooky sister Parker alongside Hope Davis, Liev Schreiber, Stanley Tucci, Ann Meara.
Fay Grim - Sequel to 'Henry Fool' with aging actors reprising roles with remarkable finesse, but you should see 'Henry' first if you want to follow a narrative.
For Your Consideration - Over the top movie-making character types.
Frankenstein - Strong role as police investigator in weak movie that's mostly dark, damp, industrial atmosphere.
Henry Fool - Oblique drama of family dysfunction, outsider art, domestic violence, survival, and coffee, with Parker as brittle sister.
Laws of Attraction - Never mind, Parker typecast as crazy rock and roll girl.
The OH in Ohio - Brilliant, how you say, coming with age comedy with help from Danny DeVito and other devices.
Party Girl - Delightful urban coming-of-age comedy in which Parker has an epiphany with the Dewey Decimal System.
Personal Velocity - Three short films of great power, with Parker in the middle as a conflicted editor working through tough father, mother, and other issues.
Scream 3 - Never mind, Parker typecast as superficial Courtney Cox wannabe.
Superman Returns - Disappointing in so many ways, even Kevin Spacey's Lex Luther with Parker as sidekick can't salvage it.
Waiting for Guffman - Forgetable, forgotten.
You've Got Mail - Never mind, Parker typecast as teddy-bear Tom's evil girlfriend and foil for good-girl Meg.

There's even a decent interview with her in the current issue of Bust, in which she says "Hi" to the man staring at her in the restaurant, and gives the following enlightened answer to the age-old professional woman question of whether she wants to have kids: "If it happens, it happens. I just want to have interesting experiences."