Ravenna at night

Wood-Kortwright Funeral Home is on Main Street on the far side of downtown at the corner of Freedom Street. You go past Friend Construction, the Portage County Courthouse, and the bank; you can't miss it. I was driving up after work on Monday to join my wife and her mother, who were there to support Uncle Than and his family. Aunt Evelyn died last Thursday.

Than (for Nathaniel) and Evelyn Alexander had lived in Portage County forever, it seemed. They both grew up in Carroll County, Virginia, but they raised their kids here in Swingstate. I've been hearing about Wade and Kay since I joined the extended family 30 years ago, but this was my first time meeting them. Kay has worked at the Northeast Swingstate University library for a long time and has three sons. We got to meet them while standing in line beside Evelyn's casket.

Wade married Pam, who grew up right there in Ravenna, and both of them taught school in Ashland County, a little west of there, and now they have a Christmas tree farm called Alexander Family Tree Farm. They have two kids, a boy and a girl, around our kids' ages. Trevor just passed the bar exam and works at a law firm in Capital City; Lindsay teaches middle school math in North Carolina. Nice kids.

Wade was standing between Kay and Than in the receiving line, and it looked like they were successfully getting each other through the whole experience. A couple of hours of greeting well-wishers, standing next to the open casket, must take its toll on one's endurance and emotions, but they held up very well. Evelyn had been sick for some time, so everyone had plenty of time to prepare themselves, but still.

Part of the Alexander family mythology, retold at every reunion, is the fact that Gven was born on her cousin Wade's birthday, and one generation later our daughter Zelda was born on Wade's son Trevor's birthday. Whoa. Maybe that's why Wade was always Nancy's - Gven's mother's - favorite nephew. As an in-law and relative outsider, I enjoyed stepping into the story, watching the family interact and reminisce, seeing the connection they have with each other.

After a while I sat down next to Uncle Clayburn, whom I first met at his place in the mountains when Gven and I were courting. He's had some health problems, but he looked good. Gven sat one row in front of us with her mom and Aunt Gail, whose husband Bobby sat next to Clayburn. That worked out well, as Clayburn and Bobby had plenty of stories to tell, while Nancy and Gail chimed in regularly with their versions of the truth. These people are part of a big family, and they've known each other for along time.

The whole event, a very traditional small-town ritual, caused Gven and me to appreciate their way of doing things and wonder about what our way will be someday, when the time comes. Our way will be somewhat different, but we haven't made out a will or made any definite arrangements for executors and all that. Which we should, of course.

Speaking strictly for myself, I'm mostly in denial of the inevitable end, and if I had to make those decision today, I am in doubt about the way it should be handled. Gven thinks a party would be appropriate. Church funeral or not? Burial or cremation? Family plot - where, I don't know - ashes in an urn or scattered in a garden or forest somewhere? Plain pine box floating down the Mississippi or sinking to the bottom of Lake Superior? Would 'I' rather turn into compost or smoke?

So I had stuff to think about on the drive home to Capital City, while Gven and her mother stayed overnight for the funeral the next day.