All I had to do was listen to Enpiar* on my way to work in the morning, and now it's all clear. It took John "like Howard Cosell but oh-so-humble" Feinstein to clarify the mysteries of the NFL playoffs for me. In a mere five minutes or so, I found out that:
1. Brett Favre did not, in fact, play for Vince Lombardi in the 1960s. That was Bartt Starve. Or Borat Stavre. Or Barack Ofarva. Or some other guy from Down South.
2. Since the Giants won and the Colts lost, Eli Manning is better than his big brother and will soon have all of Payton's endorsement deals.
3. Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the history of football.
As if we needed further proof that anyone can say anything on the public airwaves.
*For those of you who are not bilingual, enpiar is the verb meaning "to pontificate in a pseudointellectual, high-minded manner, as in the following conjugations: Yo enpio (I know it all), Ustud enpia (You tell me all about it), Tu enpias (You explain it for us), Ellos enpian (They tell you how it is), Nosotros enpiamos (We know more than they do).
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