BARGAIN OUTLET!

Despairing of ever finding enough free fence materials through divine intervention, I did the next best thing and went to Grossman's Bargain Outlet.

I expected to find a limited selection of dog-earned fencing in a standard size in a run-down lumber yard with no service, for slightly less money than the shiny suburban shopping experience with the helpful folks at Home Despot. What I found was "We don't have any, and we're not getting any more" from a pock-marked salesman out back. What, no 1x6 fencing until next year? "Oh, except some damaged stuff, already nailed together, you can have those for $15 a panel." Mark indicated the pile of discarded wood in the back corner of the lot. I did the math...even if 3 of the 18 boards on each panel are broken, I'll get the rest for $1 each instead of the $1.50 they cost at HD. I told Mark I'd sort through the stack and take the least-damaged ones. He said okay.

Mid-morning and it was already hot in the lot, but I've got all day and all it's costing me is labor, which some people spend good money for at their local gym. I'm actually making these rationalizations as I hoist the 6'x8' panels, inspect the wear and tear, separate the wheat from the chaff. Turns out they're all pretty much the same, a couple of slightly split or bent ends on each panel, so I set aside all but one of the panels and told salesman Mark I'd give him $10 a panel, 10 panels. Deal. He and his hulking assistant, high school John, shuffled out to the back lot and loaded my hand-picked fencing materials into the back of Hank the truck. I also bought a new hammer.

Drive slowly up a scenic section of West Methodistville Road and unload in back of Om Shanty by the woodpile, and by now I'm getting a first-rate upper-body workout on my second-rate upper body. For the next couple of hours, I pulled a pile of nails and pried 180 dog-eared boards from their 2x3 cross-pieces (3 per panel = 30, stacked neatly in the woodshed, though I have no idea what I'm going to do with them). After tossing aside a few seriously broken boards (kindling), I ended up with 176 1x6s that are usable. That comes to about 57 cents apiece, but who's counting? Of those, 24 were badly bent or split on one end, so I cut them a foot shorter. They became the 10 feet of 5-foot fence, a transitional section between the 4-foot fence back by the garden and the 6-foot privacy fence up by the patio.

By the end of the day, I've got a minor blister on my hammer hand from pulling how many nails? And a mild case of frustration from the unevenness of the overall crude construction, but the fence was a step closer to completion. By the end of the next day, two more sections of 6-foot fence was standing - not straight, not color-matched, sometimes gappy, but standing - and I have to admit a certain satisfaction with making something out of (almost) nothing.