Friday, September 29, 2006

compart mental

If you know me at all, this will come as no surprise, but I thought it would be therapeutic, cathartic even, to get it off my chest cavity, clear my head, or purge it from my abdomen, as it were - that I tend to compartmentalize, categorize, and pigeonhole things.

My name is Sven, and I'm compartmental.

It isn't easy being compartmental. If anything is out of place, it's a problem, and let's face it, most things are out of place most of the time. And it isn't easy living with a person who is compartmental. They have to put everything IN something - a container, a category, a conceptual scheme, a taxonomy, a genus and species, an organizational chart, a box.

They (we) have a compulsion to sort things, organize big piles of stuff into several little piles of stuff, arranged by size, shape, color, texture, material, or other criteria, referably written down but always subject to change. Definitely subject to change. Otherwise, what would the terminally compartmental do when they feel the need to re-compartmentalize?

There is no cure, but there are measures that can be taken to live a full and productive life as a compartmental adult. First of all, embrace your compartmentality. Seek to understand, explore, and exploit your special gift. Compartmentalize EVERYTHING around you. Excel spreadsheets are very useful - all those rows and columns! Shelves are good, drawers are okay, shadowboxes can be wonderful. And be thankful that you're only compart mental and not complete mental.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

aufheben

Rent for half of a two-bedroom apartment near campus...$500/month.

Undergraduate tuition...$4,215/semester.

Hearing Zelda talk about her upcoming quizzes in the Art of the Sixties (on Jackson Pollack) and Chinese Art (on the Shang through the Han), the paper that's due next week on Heraclitus and his influence on the Stoics; learning from her that Hegel's dialectic doesn't involve 'synthesis' at all, but aufheben...

Priceless.

There is no adequate English equivalent to the German word Aufheben. In German it can mean "to pick up", "to raise", "to keep", "to preserve", but also "to end", "to abolish", "to annul". Hegel exploited this duality of meaning to describe the dialectical process whereby a higher form of thought or being supersedes a lower form, while at the same time "preserving" its "moments of truth". - The journal Aufheben

Friday, September 22, 2006

everybody's got the blues

Look around you. Do you see anyone who isn't down in the dumps, in the doldrums, under the weather, in a pickle, in a slump, or otherwise experiencing an existential malaise? I guess they all have their reasons, some of which can be shared with others, some of which are too private for casual conversation, a few of which might actually explain something, and some of which are beyond the pale of description.

No matter where I look, everybody's got the blues.

Some of them are clearly physical - the aches and pains in my lower back after a weekend of yard work, my son's sniffles audible on the phone, my boss's broken foot, and others far worse - but who's kidding whom, just because the symptoms are "physical" doesn't mean the causes and side-effects aren't connected to other issues, other decisions, conditions, habits, situations, and their unintended consequences.

No matter how smart or successful, everybody's got issues.

Some people wear them on their sleeve. Take my co-worker in the next cubicle - please! The sun doesn't rise without the world inflicting some grievous harm on her undeserving, put-upon self, and every day is a lament. But I'm no different, and neither is anybody else; she just happens to specialize in paying vocal, articulate, loud, and repeated attention to the unfair, stupid, painful drama that is this life.

Lawd have mercy, everybody's got the blues!

On the other hand, some people seem to strive mightily to put a bright, uplifting face on it. You know, always turning lemons into lemonade, pointing out the upside of every downer. And some have developed ways of turning their malaise into art - or some other constructive or creative or at least benign way of working through the hard, dark, unyielding stuff.

And maybe it's just the time of year, the change of seasons, turning colder, and I'm just making it worse by belaboring the fact. Yeah, I think that's it. It's the end of the summer, every day get shorter, my projects' drop-deadlines are looming, I don't have enough time to do what has to be done, my bills still need to be paid, and I'm not getting any younger. Oh, yeah, I think I've found it, now just let me writhe around in it.

Monday, September 18, 2006

It's all good

It's just the parts that suck.

Rev. Susan talked last week about the large over-arching theme of whether "to save or to savor" the world. It's a common dilemma among people who give a hoot about the social problems that plague this planet, whether in a religious context or a political arena or whatever front you choose to confront. It's impossible to enjoy the pleasures this life affords without facing the ugly problems stemming from the many injustices and imbalances that are seemingly everywhere.

She unpacked the question in terms of the Sufi practice of whirling as a kind of meditation meant to center oneself in a peaceful place. Sufis are a mystical order of Muslims, so I gather their practice starts with an inward focus. Which can be said of Unitarians, too, who aren't particularly know for their mysticism, but who do advocate inquiry as well as action.

All of which reminded me of Rudolf Laban's movement theory, which I used to study, in which almost any human efforts can be observed to embody either "fighting" or "indulging" qualities, depending on the attitude and intention of the human agent. People work, play, walk, talk, dance, eat, cook, you name it, in a combination of fighting or indulging qualities, depending on their attitude toward space, time, weight, and stuff like that.

So take that, Hamlet, to save or to savor (or to fight or to indulge), that is the question.

It was a better than average church service. Thinking these thoughts, I drove down route 23 to the Coop in Clintonville and stocked up on flour, beans, fruit and nuts. It's a very different place on Sunday, country music and middle-class housewives instead of hippies and hip-hop. The clerk confiscated by out-of-date membership card, so no more discount for mister delinquent member. It was a pretty day, so I stopped by the nursery while I was in the old neighborhood and impulse-purchased a couple of salvia, a rhododendron, a redbud, and a dawn redwood (metasequoia glyptostroboides, I'm not showing off, I just like that name). Everything was half-price, so I splurged on plant material. Went home and spent most of the afternoon planting perennials and small trees. Savoring.

Or was it fighting the good fight every gardener relishes? I'm not sure I can save anything by putting things in the ground, adding to the flora of our tiny corner lot in Methodistville, but it's something to do.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Canoe canoe?

In my youth, there was a coolly erotic television ad for a men's cologne called Canoe. Understated, patient, it made its point. And it must have made an impression on my adolescent mind that there is something intimate about floating across the water together in near-silence punctuated by paddles breaking the surface as they enter and exit the water.

Alienated after church, in spite of the Ingathering service that marks the official start of the church year, in spite of the annual water celebration in which congregants pour a vial of water - from Lake Erie or the Niagara River or the Mediterranean Sea or wherever they have been over the summer - into a common bowl and describe in one sentence where they have been. In spite of dedicating the new religious education building in a loosely organized ritual of passing the chalice from person to person in a line stretching from the meeting hall to the new space across the street, I was feeling a bit "off" on the heels of this jolly, well-meaning, in-group occasion.

Gven Golly in her wisdom suggested that we put the canoe in the water, so I said sure. But when? We could do all the chores, all the baking, all the miscellaneous stuff, and then go when it cools off; or we could just go. I ate breakfast, drank coffee, wrote notes on some overdue birthday cards, read the paper. Let's just go.

So we loaded the old blue fiberglass canoe on top of the truck, tied it down securely enough to make it two miles out Walnut Street to Hoover, and put it in the water. We decided at the last minute to bring the dog along, so there was that bit of unpredictability. Dali was just a bit freaked out at first, never having been in a boat before, and her lurching back and forth evoked a few choice words from me. Eventually she settled down, kept a low center of gravity, and wasn't a problem.

The rest of the excursion was like a relationship in miniature. It was a lot windier on the water than in town, which I might have anticipated but didn't, and the water was a little choppy. It took us a while to get the hang of paddling directly against the waves, instead of diagonally across them, and eventually we centered ourselves and our surrealist canine friend without getting wet.

It's always an exercise in adaptability, paddling across the water, adapting to conditions and each other's paddling style, keeping our distance from fisherfolk, other boats, sandbars, and waves hitting us broadside. Going far enough without over-extending, having a somatic experience without creating a medical or marital emergency.

Long story short, Gven in the front found a rhythm of changing from right to left that worked for her, and Sven in back managed to pull hard enough and switch sides whenever we needed to change direction. So we cruised a ways up past the County Line bridge and back, not a major excursion but lots of fun.

Somehow that short, hourlong trip changed the rest of the day. We loaded the canoe, drove back up Walnut Street, unloaded the boat, and enjoyed a cold dark beverage. There was still plenty of time to bake bread and apple pie, grill salmon, and watch a very strange movie. Somehow the joint effort transformed otherwise ordinary things into really satisfying stuff, but now that I've been back on land for a while, words don't seem to get it. You had to be there, in the canoe.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

White Mustang

As I'm rounding the corner into the parking lot from Orion's Belt, the local public alternative is doing its segue from the news into morning programming with an ethereal techno number that immediately becomes the soundtrack of this rainy scene of people with umbrellas walking from their cars to the entrance of the building, somehow reminding me of last night's dream involving an elusive white Mustang.

I learned to drive in a light blue '66 Mustang, 3-on-the-floor, straight-6, AM radio, very basic, very cool. When I was a senior, it became essentially "my car" which it eventually was halfway through college, when the whole adventure started really taking off - often in road-trips in the light blue Mustang.

Ford introduced the Mustang halfway through the 1964 model year, a clever marketing decision that Hank the Deuce, Lee Iacocca, and their people in Dearborn no doubt planned carefully. We lived in Garden City at the time, a working-class suburb on the Westside of Detroit. Bob Solano, scion of a prominent Garden City family with a big house on Ford Road and a pool, was the first person I knew to own a '64 1/2 Mustang. He could be seen driving his own royal blue convertible to and from GC High School with a select group of friends. Classy.

We were GM people mostly - Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Buick - although Chas Golly went in for the exotic and bought a cute little gray Renault once, and a light blue Falcon. I guess it was like big GM family car and the small EuroFord for economy. My older sisters got to share the Falcon while they were in high school. After the girls had graduated, we moved to a more uptown suburb, and I got the Mustang to myself. No sexist double-standard here, just the luck of the birth-order, sure, uh-huh.

Mac, my best friend in high school, drove a yellow Mustang. Marco, my best friend in college after I transferred to Michigan, drove a red Mustang. This was Detroit, of course, where cars define people, though it's probably not much different anywhere in America - you are what you drive. Think of "American Grafitti," the pop culture testament to existential lust, youthful longing, and hot cars. Most of us were part Richard Dreyfus, on a quest for the white Thunderbird, and part Ron Howard, torn between big city, bright lights, State U., and hometown Peggy Sue.

So what the heck is this white Mustang doing in my rainy morning dreamspace, now that I drive a gray Ranger to my office job? Maybe I don't want to know.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Year of the Dog

Every 12 years, each of us has a birthday that completes a cycle in the Chinese zodiac, that big wheel of time where each year has its spirit animal. So if you were born in the Year of the Rabbit, you will have (with luck) your 12th, 24th, 36th, 48th, 60th, etc., birthdays in another Year of the Rabbit. Each of those 12-year birthdays will occur in a different 5-year cycle of the elements, so if you're born in a metal year, you will cycle through the water, wood, fire, and earth years and on the fifth cycle of 12 years, return to your birth animal and element.

My middle sister, Jeanie Beanie Golly Bert, celebrated her fifth cycle of 12 this past June, right in the middle of the Year of the Dog. I'm too lazy to look up which of the five elements rules this year, possibly because I was born in the Year of the Sloth. I was not able to attend the big surprise party that her cool, thoughtful husband Barney Bert threw for her down in Flower State, but I bet it was fun.

To add to my guilt, I've been carrying around a card (with pictures of dogs) all summer, neglecting to mail it for one reason or another. Which I finally did this weekend, three months late, and don't give me that "It's the thought that counts" bullshit because it's the act that counts. Knowing Jeanie BGB, she noted the slight, took it personally, forgave me, and retained her doggedly loyal, tenacious, devoted, fiercely protective, watchful character, birthday or no birthday, card or not card. I will see her at another family gathering at the end of September, on the occasion of another momentous birthday, and we'll talk. Maybe we'll talk about dogs.

This weekend was also my son's birthday. Jessi Golly was also born in the Year of the Dog, about three turns of the 12-year wheel after his Aunt Jeanie Beanie and therefore a different element, but he has some of the same protective, loyal, tenacious character. I sent him a card, and I talked to him on the phone. He was at a party, having fun among his friends, and his girlfriend Alex had made him a cake.

MoreGardens summer camp is over for the year, and the kids took a field trip to a farm upstate for their culminating camp experience. They got to hang out with the animals, help out with the gardening, had a great meal, and apparently it went really well. Jessi got around to re-assembling his bike, so he's been riding it, and life is good. He won't be at the other family gathering this month, so I'm glad to get to talk to him.

There's no definitive time line for these things. A few years ago, my friend Bay, who works at Old Progressive College and incidentally has a son around the same age, made the observation that Jessi and I were 'friends'. I said no, not really, the father-son relationship was much more tangled than that, but we were still able to communicate on fairly good terms, though I wouldn't call us 'friends'. I guess the wheel has turned enough since then to make a difference, and at this point I would say that Bay is right.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

farm follows function

What could be more obvious than the truism that gardening is grounding? And how many ways can I belabor the fact? You stick a shovel in the ground, you sow seeds in the ground, you plant seedlings in the ground, you pull weeds from the ground, you slice ripe tomatoes that grew (magically) out of the ground, and you go back to the office the next day with some of the ground still under your fingernails.

So this weekend, Labor Day Weekend, I ritually observed the unofficial end of summer by doing some seasonal transitional chores that couldn't be much more mundane and put me into the rhythm of the earth, as if I could ever leave it.

Like thinning the little patch of lambs ear to make a border the whole length of the walk. Then dividing some of the daylilies to fill in gaps in the same bed. Next year it will look fuller.

Like moving three big, mound-shaped perennial geraniums from a back bed next to the veggies to a central location close to the patio, then transplanting three spindly little columbine from the same bed, where they weren't doing well, to a sunny spot near the salvia, where they might do better. Then thinning the strawberry patch to fill up the space left by the geraniums and columbine. Next year, with any luck, there could be twice as many strawberries. Then watering everything in. Buckets, hoses, whatever.

Like dividing the big, thick hostas with a slice of the spade and transplanting the dividends to the edge of the wedge-shaped bed to expand it further into the back corner where Gus the cat rests in peace. Then digging up clumps of mint (or lemonbalm, or whatever it is) that's been steadily encroaching on the hostas and anything else that's in its way, moving it to the weedy wasteland of the front corner, where the oldest, biggest Norway maple shields the sun and rain from everything under it, so nothing much grows there; we'll see if the mint/lemonbalm survives there long enough to cut back the tree and let some light in. That's a chore for later in the fall.

Like picking up apples and trying to find ways to use them up. A few fall every day, and half of them have bites out of them by the squirrels, or worm-holes, or they're too small to bother with, and those go in the compost. So by the time the weekend rolls around I've got a basketful of winesaps to do something with. What? So far, I've made apple cobbler, Gven has made apple crisp, and we've frozen a few.

It's labor-intensive, time-consuming work to peel, wash, core, and slice, even before the actual mixing, baking, and all that. But it's something to do on the weekend when I'm not copyediting, checking, tracking, proofing, revising, or answering e-mail. And I'm convinced that it's a lot more ergonomically correct to walk around all day carrying a shovel, moving from one plot to another, as long as I remember to switch hands. And you know what? I sleep better.